What I'm Writing About
© Copyright 2011-2016
All original content on this blog is copyrighted by Bobbi Jean Ewing.
reflections and insight into my healing, transformation, and journey of the heart <3
I hear them almost every time I step outside, nearly every time I go for a walk, even when I am on my bike. I see them almost every day, sometimes I see more than one a day. I am learning their spots, their favorite trees, their favorite branches. I can spot them without hearing them first. I have gotten close enough to look one in the eye. I have told my friends I am becoming a hummingbird whisperer.
The prevalence of hummingbirds in my life and the fact that I have become so attuned to their presence is not just a coincidence, is not just a random occurrence. It means something. I have started to ask myself: “What are they trying to tell me? What message are they trying to deliver to me?”
I think about the times hummingbirds have appeared in my life and what their appearance might have meant on each of these days. Perhaps the messages were different each time, but lately their frequent appearances makes me wonder if there is an overarching message and if their continuous presence is to remind me to keep searching for the answer, to keep seeking out the truth.
My first memory of seeing a hummingbird was some time after I moved to Seattle in my late twenties. I was looking out my bedroom window and I saw a flash of color and spotted one feasting on the orange globe-like “flowers” of the bushy tree next door. At the time, I lived near the Ballard Locks, and while out on a walk I saw a few hummingbirds darting along the slope below Sunset Hill Park. A few years passed, I was in my early thirties now, and during a summer hike along the Tonga Ridge trail in the Cascades I witnessed a hummingbird extravaganza. Hummingbirds at a high elevation?! Such an unbelievable sight to behold. The small, energetic birds flitted and hovered and circled in the tens and twenties around a vibrant fir tree. In the chapters of my “old” life when my relationship was growing and deepening, long before the “ka-boom,” I learned the call and song of a hummingbird. As I approached home, a hummingbird zipped past me and landed in a tree. I paused and that day I heard the sound of the hummingbird’s voice, a voice that has stayed with me.
Looking back, remembering my early history with the hummingbird is part of my story, but their presence in my “new” life is most telling and revealing. I saw a pair of hummingbirds dart overhead on the morning of my 35th birthday, just as I was about to depart for my first solo camping adventure. I was practically hit in the forehead by a hummingbird the last day I spent time with that special someone. I have shared my affinity for hummingbirds with him. He also has a special kinship with this bird. When he was a young boy a hummingbird came into his hand. So special, so magical, an affirmation of his sweetness. Last fall, I looked into the eye of a hummingbird while it perched on a branch of the tree in my front yard.
I believe the appearance and messages from these hummingbirds on these occasions meant different things. Perhaps some days they were not delivering a message, but simply celebrating in my joy; perhaps the joy in my heart attracted these joyful birds. Perhaps their appearance was meant to remind me to stay present. I would like to think that the day I almost came forehead to pointy beak with a hummingbird that it was an omen of a budding and joyful relationship to come with that special someone, but unless this joy is delayed and the relationship exists at some point in the future, I am not so sure that was the message. The message might have simply been: “savor this moment; savor your time with him.”
Seeing a pair of hummingbirds zip by in harmony and unity is a very special gift, one of many gifts I received on my 35th birthday. Often times when I see bird couples, it fills me with a sense of hope for my future. Other times I feel sadness witnessing this loving partnership, something absent in my life today. I would like to think that seeing two hummingbirds dart across the sky in partnership and celebration is an omen of a harmonious and loving partnership in my future, but I do not know for sure. The message might be as simple as: “this is love occurring in nature as it should; we are meant to love and be loved.”
October 1, 2011, an auspicious date, is the day I looked a hummingbird in the eye. The previous day was very painful. I received a “message” that the door had been closed on my fractured friendship with my friend of 15 years. Hummingbirds are symbols of joy and celebration, but they can also deliver messages of healing. A hummingbird’s vibrations inspire health and balance to be restored. Was the hummingbird delivering a healing message on this day or was the hummingbird reminding me to see the beauty in this moment and also reminding me that despite my friend’s intentional and hurtful actions, that I am an incredibly beautiful person? Yes, I lost a very good friend, my closest friend of many years, the most recent and one of many painful losses in my life, but my “friend” loses too. She loses the opportunity to witness and participate in my growth, my transformation. Despite the hurt she brought into my life, I will continue to grow and blossom and radiate beauty, I will continue to journey on this incredible journey of the heart. I felt this in my heart as I held the hummingbird’s eye.
I am still trying to understand the grand message that the hummingbirds are delivering to me in 2012. I think about my sadness, my longing for the one who touched my heart, this feeling of being stuck. Is the sadness supposed to serve to motivate me to get past this, to seek out and manifest what my heart desires? What is the ever present hummingbird telling me? A hummingbird seeks out the nectar, the sweetness of life. Is that what I am to do for myself? A hummingbird is persistent and tireless. Is the hummingbird reminding me to be patient? Is the hummingbird there to remind me of my belief that he is worth it? What about the nagging feeling I have that the stars may never line up for us? Is the hummingbird there to tell me to listen to my intuition, a deep current of wisdom that resides within me, within all of us? Is this nagging feeling coming from my intuition or from a place of fear and anxiety, from my emotional wounds?
I do not know the message the hummingbirds are trying, with such tenacity, to deliver to me, or if there is a grand, overarching message. I need more time. I need to be able to look back, just as a hummingbird does when it flies backwards. Just this week I caught a glimmer of the message. I spotted a hummingbird. It rested on the branch of the tree I see it in day after day. I stood still and listened and it started to sing. I think it sang “remember the song in your heart.” My framed Curly Girl quote, given to me by a dear friend for my 33rd birthday, just weeks after the “ka-boom,” flashed into my mind. It reads: “After all that – she was surprised to find that she still knew the words to the song in her heart. . . and she Began to sing along.” If only I could hear my own song, my own voice, my voice from deep within, more clearly.
Today I saw a hummingbird zip across my backyard. It landed on a bare, leafless part of a holly tree branch. I opened my window to listen. It did not sing, but it did flutter its wings – it flashed me with wings of infinity.
I first learned the significance of hummingbirds from Miriam, a kooky lady I met on my first holiday trip to Costa Rica. I was sharing an evening with my fellow yogis. She delivered the message of a locust to one of the guys in our group. I had been seeing quite a few hummingbirds in Costa Rica and I was curious, so I asked her what it meant to see a hummingbird. Her answer: “blessings, many blessings; a hummingbird has wings of infinity.” I asked her how she knew this stuff. She said, “I’ve always known and you know too.” We continued to talk and something I said really struck her. She paused and looked me deep in the eye and said, “You are very wise.”
I am grateful to Miriam and many other spiritual souls who inspired my discovery of “my inner mystic.”