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© Copyright 2011-2016
All original content on this blog is copyrighted by Bobbi Jean Ewing.
reflections and insight into my healing, transformation, and journey of the heart <3
This April Fool’s Day I am reflecting back six years in time to another era of my life, to a time when I acted foolishly.
Six years ago on March 23, 2010 I got divorced. Though the relationship was long (nearly 10 years), the marriage was short. We were married a matter of weeks when the relationship ended in a giant ka-boom. Because of that, I never really felt married. To this day I do not refer to this man as my ex-husband, even when friends or acquaintances speak of him in this way and even after all this time, I don’t use the D word; instead I just say something like, “my LTR (long term relationship) ended.”
That day six years ago, after several anxiety filled months, I showed up at the courthouse with two of my closest friends who came to support me. I sat in one room, something happened (I think it was the “no contest/other party is a no show” event), and then I went to another room, sat and waited, my name was called, I walked before the judge, handed him the paperwork, he glanced through it and then declared: “Dissolved.”
Just like that, my “marriage” was dissolved, like kool-aid. After all the stress of hoping and praying for a conflict free / uncontested Divorce, it was almost laughable. Dissolved. As if there wasn’t all the dis-entanglement, the heart ache and grief that ensued in those months after the ka-boom, but instead an easy dissolution…put in water and stir and BAM, silky colored liquid.
With the passage of time it’s hard for me to re-capture the stress of getting a divorce as a newly married woman. I can tell you this though…I learned two very important lessons: 1) a beautiful wedding does not make for a lasting marriage and 2) it’s easy to get married; it’s much more difficult to get unmarried. I spent *months* of my life visiting the courthouse, educating myself about the legalities of divorce, filling out paperwork, filing paperwork, and more. Basically, I was my own paralegal and it was not any kind of fun. I’ve not had it in me to go back to finish unfinished business, though a debt remains unpaid.
The unfinished business, the unpaid debt has been on my heart and mind this month. I want to close that loop, cut that lingering tie, sever that final cord. I haven’t done it yet, but it has been my intention to send my “ex-husband” a letter. I don’t imagine I’ll say much other than to 1) express that I would like to create an opportunity for there to be Karmic clearing between us, 2) to state that to this date the debt remains unpaid and I would like for him, out of his own desire to clear his conscious, repay the debt, whatever amount he is able, and 3) to say Thank You.
I have no hard feelings towards my “ex-husband,” my person of 10 years, no bitterness, no anger. What I do feel is overwhelming gratitude. The end of our relationship was the best thing that ever happened in my life and the way it ended, though excruciatingly painful, was perfect – it was exactly what I needed in order to be able to let go and move on completely. The ka-boom was an initiation into the next era of my life and I am so, so, SO grateful to be living in this era, to be living this new life.
When I do finally make contact and send this letter, it will be the first time I’ve done so in six years. The last time I made contact was on April Fool’s Day. I am a tiny bit embarrassed to admit that I did that intentionally. I sent the paperwork in the mail knowing full well the expected delivery date. I wanted the divorce paperwork to arrive on April Fool’s Day. I think I wanted to make some kind of point so that it might add extra hurt or upset. A joke, but not.
This year, April Fool’s Day looks a whole lot different and is full of TONS of magic. As my astro friend, Gemini Brett of More Than Astrology, is preparing to give a StarryTelling talk at OmCulture, a spiritual community and event center for the neo-hippie types, I am reminded of my own foolish action of six years past. Brett will likely illuminate the archetype of The Fool. His talk is promoted as thus: “The Way of Hermes: What could be a better day to hear Mercury’s Message? Let us honor the Sagacity of his coming rare Transit rather than Foolishly treating it as just another unwelcome Retrograde.”
I smile to myself knowing that tonight, instead of acting like a fool, I get to support my astro friend. I also smile knowing that I played an important role in commissioning this brilliant wizard to come give one of his star studded presentations at OmCulture. I feel so very proud to be supporting Brett and it delights my heart to know that he is pouring his heart into this and is collaborating with several local musical stars, including Michael Maricle and Pepper Proud, and a most talented photographer and videographer, Jim Carey.
This April Fool’s Day I choose to act in sage-istical ways. I choose to participate in something truly meaningful, to ceremoniously honor this day. Instead of being a fool, I choose to act in ways that are both Conscious and awake.
And… I’m excited to know that March now holds another beautiful anniversary. I met Brett one year ago in March. It’s our one year astro-versary! I was blown away that first day I met Brett. He wowed me with his astrobabble, mythic imagery, symbols, sacred geometry, numerology, tales of star quests, ❤ connected self expression, and more. It’s been an ecstatic magic carpet ride ever since learning about the stars and planets, astrology, symbology, sacred geometry, and more. My first ride on the carpet was finding Jupiter in the night sky. Now when I look up at that bright shining fellow in Virgo (my sun sign) I say to myself, “how could I have not seen it…it’s the brightest object in the sky?!” How foolish that I did not know what I know now. 🙂